STRIP CLUBS, SATURDAYS & JEALOUSY.
This last week I threw a FIT AND A HALF. Like a baby. I freaked out on Pierre on several separate occasions. Even going as far as to tell him I wanted to fuck his best friend and stab him in the heart. Why? You might ask... Well Pierre got a female flatmate. Here's some background. He already has one flatmate who is female and Moroccan and then he lived with another guy who was 30 and French. The three of them were like the fucking Muskateers, doing everything together, magically never having flatmate fights. Well 30 year old French flatmate decided to move out and live with his girlfriend, so Pierre and the other girl started looking for another flatmate.
They really liked this Italian guy, but he took another place. Then their second choice also took another place, so Pierre and the Moroccan chose a woman, around my age.
Look, nothing in this piece is about shaming that woman, it's about my own fucking insecurities, and make up sex of course.
Essentially a lot bothered me about the situation. I already want more time with Pierre, and now some of that time will be with a flatmate who is my age. And not me. Also does anyone want their boyfriend living with two girls? I don't know, I think it's a fuckin French thing. Because all my European friends say this when I tell them: "Wait. I don't get it. Why would you be jealous? I don't see the problem. C'est pas grave!" And my American friends react like this "Oh my god, I am so sorry babe that sucks, is she pretty?" So obviously my mindset is more western, more jealous, and more fucked up.
Anyways, the first time I brought up my concern to Pierre we were in my room. He was so calm cool and collected. I was crying and cussing him out and he said "Just cuddle me." He looks me in the eyes and says, "You are the only girl I want. You are the sexiest girl I have ever dated. Everything about you is sexy, starting with your feet. Then your perfect thin legs. Then your hip bones. Then your perfect little pussy. Then your perfect stomach. Then your perky little tits. Then your collar bone. Then your beautiful face." We had amazing sex and he handled everything flawlessly.
Pierre grew up with four sisters, and he has the ability to not see women as sex objects, but as human beings, and that is why I love him so much. But it's also hard for me to even believe it sometimes.
After this beautiful evening, we hung out three nights in a row. Everyday he called me and wanted to see me. I felt so good, everything was right. And then mother fucking jealousy came back in and I called him and really let my feelings out. This time, he was a bit frustrated with me. And at the end of call I didn't say "bisous" back to him and that upset him. I then ignored him, he called me out for ignoring him, and I said I just need some time.
A couple days later, I end up a strip club with my friend from uni. I'm at this strip club, I am drunk as heck, and all I can think of is how badly I want Pierre. None of my little worries seemed important anymore, I just wanted to be with him.
So I texted him, after asking him to not message me for a few days. He responds, "Is this a test? You told me not to talk to you." I say MAIS NON, It's not a test, I just feel better now. He asks me what I'm doing... and asks me to come over. A quick stop home to put coconut oil all over my body and grab some things, and a 20 minute uber later and I'm at his place.
He moved into his flatmates old room so we were in a new space. It's bigger and full of windows. I immediately get into his bed and we have sex. I was on top, and before falling asleep we have sex again, and we fall asleep into each other's arms (of course I peed after sex, ladies you must).
In the morning, I woke up to Pierre in-between my legs. He has this new angle where he kind of licks me from the side and it feels like angel kisses it's so delicate. It's such a gentle way, especially when I'm waking up. We then have sex from behind and it's so lovely because the sunshine is coming in through his windows, and a nice breeze, and the sound of birds, and it's almost like we are outside but we are safe inside and spring in Paris is in the room with us as we make dirty wet beautiful love.
He then goes and gets us pain au chocolate and makes us some fresh squeezed juice. We go back to bed and spend the day watching movies together. Around 1pm he makes me delicious pasta. He reminded me he is only attracted to me and I have absolutely nothing to worry about.
I like him so much that it scares me. I come from a culture that encourages jealousy and fear of other women. And even as aware as I think I am I have this side of me that so surprises me. Pierre likes living with women. He is used to sisters and his sisters friends. He respects me, and he wants me. He shows me he cares by bringing me a flower randomly, waking me up by giving me head, and messaging me cute things throughout the day.
If I have learned anything it is NOT to waste time being jealous when you could be enjoying. And don't worry about things that haven't happened, there is no point. And if you trust someone, trust that you trust them, and abandon all else.